Wednesday, February 25 12:16 AM
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I couldn't go to sleep, so I fired up the 400 decibel computer of mine and decided to update my blog.
Partly due also to pherhaps the many thoughts lingering in my head. So let's begin my grievances and grumbles and comments.
Friends - How they come and go
Testimonials - Don't freakin ask for it!
Loneliness.. - being misunderstood.
Mr Nice guy - Is it worth it at all?
Friends - How they come and go
Testimonials - Don't freakin ask for it!
True friends are hard to come by, if they EVER EXIST at all. It is strange how many 'best friends' I have encountered and how at the peak of it, they seem like gold bars or a third limb to me. It is only like after a major seperation (eg. transfer school, psle, o-levels etc..) then only do you realize ; hey 'abc' doesn't really seem like a great friend afterall. It seems like the ecstasy rush of togetherness (as a class ie. you see eachother daily) was the only pushing force in that friendship. I personally had many so called 'best friends' before. From primary school days ; canwen, wilfred, jiawei, ant. lower sec ; rayner, seng kiat, felix. Anyway, I'm hardly in contact with any of them now. Not that i intentionally wanna ditch them, it's like..the flame has died. what more is there to talk? You no longer get that same feeling when you and your friend were buddies. Screw those friendster talk about meeting old-flames and former classmates online. Sure you could easily find them, but do you ACTUALLY still have the same level of friendship with them as in the past? I don't think so right. [Typical scenario: OH! I found Jack frm my pri 1 class! Add him to your list, yak yak yak for a few days. bang. end of story. you both dun speak a word again.] Besides, so many darn arses are abusing friendster, making the bulletin board into some 3rd-generation chain letter machine, adding total strangers to their lists and even requesting for testimonials! I mean, what's the whole darn point of asking people to explicitly write testimonials for you. It's a down right stupid thing to do. It's like saying "hey, please write me a nice sweet ass-kissing letter for me so i can show it off to every 300 cows and monkeys whom i hardly know on my list please?" It's like.. i don't even know you that well nor do i have a vivid impression of you! How the hell can i write down anything?! Seems like a spill-over from the IRC disease.
Loneliness.. - being misunderstood.
It's fugging sad nowadays that classes have broken up, new EXCLUSIVE GOLDEN CLUB girly 'cliques' are being formed while old friends and nice guys are thrown out e door. Hitch-ups and "STEADS" (HAHAHAHAHA) also alienate former friends. I send out like 4 or 5 smses trying to brighten up ppl's lives but get ignored instead. If i were a lucky ass, maybe 1 may reply.
I'm not a loner.. (and i would take offence for you to call me one.) I do have nice people like ling, jasmine, jess, keith, yx and my bros. But they're not all perfect buddies... i have yet to come across someone who really understands who i am. Or could it be me? I seriously wonder. (read: Mr Nice guy - Is it worth it at all?, below)
IMHO, 'cliques' is a schoolgirl fad. I mean guys don't need 'cliques', we're independent runners. It is a natural phenomenon that females like to stick together no matter what the event may be. It is a universial thing. Even german and korean gals are like that too. My opinion on guys who hang out in groups of more than 4 or 5 is that - you're a darn follower. If you're the leader of the zombies, good for you! I respect the guy leading the crowd, NOT those following him. Which i vow never to follow the crowd nor let masses influence my opinion. Besides, i'm different. i ain't no plain jane. i have my own set of idealogies and opinions. why the heck should i sport blonde hair, get tatoos, listen to japanese songs which i dun understand, follow latest taiwanese, japanese or (worse)crappy AMERICAN street style. Yes, i detest hip hop, R&B, punkstyle or whatsoever you would call it. To each his own, to carve out a identity of your own. Call me obiang. I'm no follower.
sidetrack: STEAD is a fugging disgusting word. "stead sounds so lian." - ling You'll never catch me alive utilising that distasteful word. haw.
Mr Nice guy - Is it worth it at all?
People tell me that i'm 'a smiling machine', 'mr smiley' and so on, descriptive of my tendency to have a huge grin pasted across my mouth whatever the occasion. Pherhaps i am a straight forward person ; i smile when i'm happy. no smile if i'm sad/angry. but i never frown. wonder why. Anyway i've been keeping this thought for quite some time. Is it relevant to be
Mr Nice guy in today's society? Everyone's so darn obsessed with their own lives, not caring abt others, hardly having any consideration for their fellow man. The Ugly Singaporean. I personally am proud to be a citizen of Singapore and am proud of her achievements, but it's shameful to share this island with someone who doesn't care, talks loudly during cinema movies, spits on the street, makes and mess and never cleans up (shit and ran away). I genuinely think what their mother taught their kids when they say: "I need to take care of myself before helping others right? Besides, next person, suay lor." That's the most darn bloody selfish and scornful thing to say in public. I recently found a Nokia 6610 at the SP open hse. The owner called and i answered his call. Hello blah blah blah blah blah.. i found ur fone.. blah blah. He seemed more contented with his phone rather than thanking the person who found it who actually has the honesty to return it to him. And that bloody bugger (nor his friend whom i passed it to) even bothered to thanked me! So much for a gracious society.As my friend accopanying me said: "why you so nice? if i were you i'll keep it lor." Mr Nice Guy also tends to lose out in relationships too. He's too kind to the gal, believes and gets sucked into every darn lie she tells, gal takes advantage of him and has him at her fingertips. Gifts, letters (post) and even stamps!(she bloody lies that she isn't able to buy stamps.wtf.) 3 chances and a patch-up later, i kicked that fat lying ass outta my life. After that i met a nice girl, but it simply withered off after a few mths. Since then i've been nothing but a ass-kisser trying to be nice to everying (guys and gals alike) but getting the typical singaporean treatment instead. It really is time to think. Is it me, or is being the nice guy worth it anymore?
Lotsa food for thought.
-jonathan
25feb04
1.26am
jeh
Monday, February 23 10:16 AM
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pics!
=)!
jeh
Saturday, February 21 12:56 PM
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Nobody's Listening Lyrics
(Comin At You...)
Yo, peep the style and the kids checking for it
The number one question is "how could you ignore it?"
And drop right back in the cut
over basement tracks and rap stack got you backing us up
Like..Rewind that!
We're just rollin' with the rhythm,
rise from the ashes of stylist division
With these non-stop lyrics and life living,
not to be forgotten, but still unforgiven
But in the meantime, there are those
who wanna talk this and that, so I suppose
that it gets to a point where feelings got to get hurt,
and get dirty with the people spreading the dirt. It goes...
Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody's listening
Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody's listening
I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
Hand full of anger, Held in my chest
Uphill struggle, blood, sweat and tears
Nothing to gain, everything to fear
Heart full of pain, head full of stress
Hand full of anger, Held in my chest
Uphill struggle, blood, sweat and tears
Nothing to gain, everything to fear
Heart full of pain...
Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody's listening
Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody's listening
I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
Nobody's listening
Hand full of anger, Held in my chest
Nobody's listening
Uphill struggle, blood, sweat and tears
Nobody's listening
Nothing to gain, everything to fear
Nobody's listening
(Comin at you from every side...)
jeh
Saturday, February 14 6:00 PM
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LP - Cure for the Itch
(Unnamed announcer): Folks, we have a very special guest for you tonight.
I'd like to introduce...
Mr. Hahn!
Let's hear it for the great Mr. Hahn!
And now a lesson in rhythm management.
Let's begin...
Alright now, wasn't that fun?
Let's try something else.
Now that's lame. :P
jeh
5:54 PM
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LP - Easier to Run
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken
from deep inside of me
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one could never see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame to the grave
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame into the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame to the grave
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone
It's easier to run..
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go..
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame
To the grave?
jeh
5:48 PM
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Never abandon life. There is a way out of everything except death.
I like a man who grins when he fights.
Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others.
- Winston Churchill
Former British Prime Minister
It is easy to fight for one's ideals, but hard for one to live by it.
- annonymous
jeh
Friday, February 13 4:52 PM
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Okay Design School seems damn nice. Most of the stuff seem D&T related and i'm mucha into design.
Each person even has a personal desk! nehneh. Like some office liddat.
jeh
Tuesday, February 10 3:04 PM
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lp - easier to run
jeh
1:03 PM
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german class was hard.
Cos i'm in A2 and i already missed 1 mth of classes, the lehererin says that i have to catch up on lotsa stuff esp. those Perkfet and Preposition stuff. Lotsa stuff i have to do on my own.
Worse case she says, is that i downgrade to A1 =\ that's so darn it.
jeh
Monday, February 9 5:15 PM
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Limp Bizkit - behind blue eyes
- full nelson
LP - one step closer
- from the inside
- breaking the habit
German classes start today. wish myself gd luck.
p.s: call me!! ; it's fun having free incoming calls
jeh
Saturday, February 7 4:24 PM
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cool! i installed CS on my comp!
Offical opening of my personal Lan Gaming Centre =)!
jeh
Tuesday, February 3 4:12 PM
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Goethe Institut Singapore
163 Penang Road #05-01, Winsland House II
Singapore 238463
Tel.: (065) 6735 4555
Fax: (065) 6735 4666
Thurs 5 Feb
Entrance Exam at 3pm.
gotta study!
jeh
1:41 AM
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cheee.. i never knew Maris Stella High was a guy's school.
jeh
Monday, February 2 2:45 AM
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me: If only i could eliminate those darn Bengs and Lians, just like what Hitler did.
- : ! (shocked in disbelief)
me: Okay so killing isn't very nice. We should EXPLOIT them instead!
btw there's a movie 'Hitler - the rise of evil' abt what our nice friend Adolf did while he was still alive.
saw it on vcd at carrefour today.
gotta catch it!
jeh